Should Friends' Opinions Affect Your Romantic Relationships?

by Sammi Ng

“Can my peers affect the successes of my relationship?” is a question I ask myself everytime I see myself catching feelings for someone.  My personal experience with love has been a rollercoaster. I've been serious with 1 person in my lifetime - for a year it was trials and tribulations, many months of arguing and lust. One thing I’ll always remember: many of our arguments would be staredt by an outsider to the relationship: exes that would get petty or friends that would be childish. One thing I truly remember about that relationship is that love means forgiving each other and choosing that person everyday and accepting their flaws, because at the end of the day, these flaws are the reason you guys are together. Love is a beautiful thing that starts when two people truly find happiness in each other and find safety when the world begins to hurt you. My peers would talk badly of the person I was with and it began to make scares in our relationship, we began to not trust each other and resent each other’s friends. 

Springer nature states, “Youth described that platonic peers (friends) influenced their relationships and sexual behavior including pressuring friends into relationships, establishing relationships as currency for popularity and social status, and creating relationship norm and expectations. Romantic peers also motivated relationships and sexual behavior as youth described engaging in behavior to avoid hurting and successfully pleasing their partners.”

But in my personal experience, if your peers can affect your relationship then you never had one to begin with. 

15 year old Anji says peers can affect the success of your romantic relationships. Her personal experience was with her ex that lasted 9 months. Their peers/friends influenced the environment and health of their relationship by talking badly about each other’s partner and filling their heads with disrespectful comments about each other and spreading rumors. It started deteriorating. 16 year old Kai Ruiz also talked about her ongoing relationship and the struggles she's faced because of peer influence and social media. She's talked about the standards social media puts on young men and women to act a certain way with their partner and how unhealthy standards and demands can harm a teen relationship. Others like Avi and Forsyth staff members say no to this statement - they believe if you can let your peers influence your relationships you never had one to begin with. 

A Forsyth staff member and I believe a relationship is between you and the person. Your peers know as much as you tell them and they can influence your relationship as much as you let them. When I interviewed the staff at Forsyth, they stated one of the biggest challenges for teens nowadays when dating is the unhealthy standards they've created on social media and the lack of maturity that comes with being a kid.

Peers can affect your self esteem by judging what you do sexually in a relationship. In my personal experience, my peers and partner have pressured me into maturing faster in relationships. Now I know people can impact your self esteem and relationship as much as you let them. Your relationship is no one’s business but yours and your partner. 

The real question is, Will YOU let your peers affect your romantic relationships?